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Old 03-27-2020, 06:53 PM   #1036
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Some good stuff.

Thanks for the laughs!
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Old 03-28-2020, 10:18 AM   #1037
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Was watching Moonshiners, this Tuesday, master distiller competition, one was using a spoon for testing the "heads".
As something new, the hosts picked up on this, as did I.

Along with this I remembered this joke's punchline, "I use the spoon"

Mine was told as an Italian waiter, back in the 70's
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Old 04-01-2020, 02:48 PM   #1038
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Old 04-09-2020, 09:47 AM   #1039
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Corona Virus has been able to do what women never could....cancel all sports....Shut down all bars and keep men at home.

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Old 04-09-2020, 09:48 AM   #1040
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Corona Virus has been able to do what women never could....cancel all sports....shut down all bars and keep men at home.

Last edited by revemup; 04-09-2020 at 09:49 AM..
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Old 04-09-2020, 10:20 AM   #1041
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https://www.bayarearidersforum.com/f...ostcount=22654

With graphic, , ,
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Old 05-24-2020, 12:25 PM   #1042
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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.
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Old 05-26-2020, 09:10 AM   #1043
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun."We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her. The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. "The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair."
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Old 05-26-2020, 12:09 PM   #1044
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^^^^ Nice reminiscent of the Kingsman movie...
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Old 05-26-2020, 03:06 PM   #1045
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Good one Dennis. Showed it to my wife and she howled.
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Old 05-26-2020, 04:06 PM   #1046
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Good one Dennis. Showed it to my wife and she howled.
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Old 05-27-2020, 07:16 AM   #1047
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My wife also howled and reached for a chair, writing this from the locked shop before she shuts down the wifi.
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Old 06-03-2020, 01:41 PM   #1048
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MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Old 06-04-2020, 03:58 AM   #1049
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Originally Posted by bikeama View Post
MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS


10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one situs inversus so it fits the other foot.
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Old 06-04-2020, 04:01 AM   #1050
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youtu.be/Tu_m5diSk4k

This guy is funny!
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