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Old 02-24-2021, 10:06 AM   #1096
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TEXAS Freezes over



so much punchline potential,

I don't want to appear disaster tone deaf, for this but, , ,
BARF is still leaking snow
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Old 02-24-2021, 06:41 PM   #1097
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HEART WARMING LAWYER STORY

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"
the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there eating grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the second poor man he stated,
"You may come with us, also."

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."
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Old 02-25-2021, 06:58 AM   #1098
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ROFL, how did I not see that coming.
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Old 02-26-2021, 11:28 AM   #1099
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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope...

Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna
-----------------------


The postal worker was touched.

He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.

We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
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Old 02-26-2021, 01:18 PM   #1100
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Old 03-03-2021, 06:05 PM   #1101
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Lawyer joke #1 !!!!
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Old 04-21-2021, 02:44 PM   #1102
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Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus.

Also...

I lost my job as a bus driver...
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Old 05-08-2021, 05:38 PM   #1103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BURNROPE View Post
It's a parody of the Max Ehrmann poem Desiderata written in the early 1920's. The parody was written in 1970. I just transcribed the original parchment as best I could.

youtu.be/gVi0z83gIzo
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