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what's the point of a "viewing" before a funeral?

i_am_the_koi

i_am_the_koi

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So I'm down in San Diego for a funeral and tonight is the "viewing".

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, it's not my family so i know it's not up to me but i think it's a little weird.

For me death ends the connection to the physical body so viewing an "empty body" doesn't make sense. I guess to be able to say goodbye or something but isn't that the point of the actual funeral?

What say you? Is the viewing an important step in the grieving process?
 
If your father died, would you want to see him one last time?

You may think not, but such a heavy blow is very likely to change your opinion. Just having a kid has changed my perspective on life significantly. I'm a lot more empathetic and sensitive to a lot of things I'd never cared about before.
 
So all the family members, relatives, and friends can get together and celebrate/talk about the life of the recently deceased.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
What say you? Is the viewing an important step in the grieving process?
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Yes.

Funerals are for the living. Without seeing the body, it can be hard to accept that your loved one is gone. Really gone forever.

The deaths I've had the hardest time coping with--they didn't have the viewing, burial, etc. I think it's not a coincidence.
 
watsgowinon said:
So all the family members, relatives, and friends can get together and celebrate/talk about the life of the recently deceased.
Click to expand...

Also, for family, friends and colleagues who has not seen the deceased for some time to see deceased a final time and say goodbye, RIP ...etc.
 
RightCoastBias said:
If your father died, would you want to see him one last time?

You may think not, but such a heavy blow is very likely to change your opinion. Just having a kid has changed my perspective on life significantly. I'm a lot more empathetic and sensitive to a lot of things I'd never cared about before.
Click to expand...

When my wife died, I never saw her afterwards. She was gone. What was left was in my heart and mind. Not in a body on a slab. She got cremated and i had them send her ashes to Maui. Never saw them or handled them.

As its a kid we're talking about, would you want to see the body should a tragedy happen? Would you just want to move on and grieve? It might be different with a kid and im sure every person is different but I'm curious.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
When my wife died, I never saw her afterwards. She was gone. What was left was in my heart and mind. Not in a body on a slab. She got cremated and i had them send her ashes to Maui. Never saw them or handled them.

As its a kid we're talking about, would you want to see the body should a tragedy happen? Would you just want to move on and grieve? It might be different with a kid and im sure every person is different but I'm curious.
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Sorry to hear about your loss Koi.

Thank god I've never yet gone to a funeral where there was a "viewing" as an adult.

As a kid in Colombia, age 4, I was forced to go to one and, frankly, it freaked me out.

So, no viewing for me.

Spreading my Dad's cremains nobody wanted to touch them when we were spreading them, (illegally), off a pier in Miami Beach.

I dove right in; I'm quite used to kitty litter! :laughing:wtf
 
Sorry for your loss ... while I didn't, my sister found great comfort in placing a small deck of cards in my gramma's casket with her at the viewing. They both loved playing cards. I'm sure it helped her to do that.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
When my wife died, I never saw her afterwards. She was gone. What was left was in my heart and mind. Not in a body on a slab. She got cremated and i had them send her ashes to Maui. Never saw them or handled them.

As its a kid we're talking about, would you want to see the body should a tragedy happen? Would you just want to move on and grieve? It might be different with a kid and im sure every person is different but I'm curious.
Click to expand...

I suppose it just comes down to different needs and reactions for people. Not knowing about your wife I falsely assumed you hadn't experienced the loss of someone close to you. I'm not sure I'd want to see the body of my daughter, the idea of it is heartbreaking though. I feel I would want to see her one last time.

My point was that one doesn't know their reaction until it happens, but you know yours. However, it could be different depending on who it is you've lost.
 
For me, no more open caskets. I've been to two funerals that had open caskets, both times I regretted going up there. It didn't provide me comfort, but instead replaced my last memory of my friends with that image of them in a casket. Quite the opposite of comfort actually. I learned viewing is not for me the first time and yet I still did it the second time...and it was a dumb decision on my part on both occasions.

I personally don't feel I need to be there at the casket to have a conversation with my friends/family who are dead and gone. I can do that anywhere, anytime. It IS good to visit with family and friends and share stories of the deceased, I feel that part is helpful.

Again, all of that is me. If open casket viewing helps others to deal with things, more power to them. As has been said, everyone deals with these things differently. Do what works for you, don't knock what works for others.
 
It's cultural. Not my cup of tea but to each his own. :dunno

I saw my aunt in the hospital days before she passed with all the tubes and machines hooked up to her. I hate to admit it but she looked better dead in her coffin.
 
I saw my mom about a half hour after she died. Did not have a viewing for her. And she would have kicked my ass if I suggested it.
 
I don't do viewings. I don't have a problem seeing a dead body, but I'm not down with trying to make a dead one look like the living version. The concept screws with my head and heart too much. That's not to say that I haven't attended them. You can go to one and simply not walk up to the casket.
 
Different people handle differently.
The only funeral I went to where the family did a viewing, was my Moms.

And frankly, it was disturbing. I wish it wouldn't of happened.
 
Its an opportunity to whale and cry, pounding the deceased's chest while shouting Why ! Why !.

Weasel says its a cultural thing. Also Coors said it best, funerals are for the living. A way to handle their grief.
Funerals I have attended was mildly grieving, could of survived without all the fan fare. Its a ritual and sometimes a pain in arse ritual like when a Greek Person dies. The funeral can last for months, with all the anniversaries of the death. Its something like the first week, forty days, four months and first year.
Enough hoopla I want to simplify my passing to cause least amount of commotion. Cremation and invitation card to the Crypt were its kept at if one wants to visit. :party
 
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Many cultures have and still engage in periods of viewing and wakes. The body can be laid out for a long time before being buried.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
So I'm down in San Diego for a funeral and tonight is the "viewing"...

...What say you? Is the viewing an important step in the grieving process?
Click to expand...

Some people invest heavily in the corporeal aspect of their relationship with an individual, so it is an important part of the separation process for them. Personally, I do not require it.
 
The viewing is the vestige of the vigil. Going back to times when people's bodies were at home (funeral parlors are a rather modern invention) and people would call and family members would sit in the same room. I think of the viewing as for the very closest members of the family or for those who might find value and comfort in meditation without the time and ritual demands of the extra ceremony. If you are very close to someone who will be at the viewing and want to support them, go. Otherwise, I'd just go to the service.

In the case of sudden, unexpected death, the viewing is probably the most intense part of the whole process, where people let it out. When my niece was murdered, for example, I was at both, and the viewing was pretty hairy. My nephew was murdered as well, and it was the same deal. Very, very emotional times. At the service on the following day, people tend to be "cried out" from the viewing, which is probably better for all attendees.
 
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