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Frank Sommerville

Jammer said:
It broke his habit while he was there. He continued to use when he got home, moved out due to not meeting the 2am weekday curfew rule we agree to, became homeless for a time, and moved into grandparent's house.

I think he had an epiphany while holding the pipe to his lips and it just struck him that this was not the life he wanted. He sat it down and walked away from his 'friends'.

He got a job at the California conservation corps, got his GED, then his high school diploma, joined the Carpenter's Union now 20 years ago and is working as a Foreman. Married with two kids and struggling like the rest of us to live here in the beautiful Bay area.

A much different life than the one we saw him leading, thank goodness.
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:thumbup
 
Climber said:
Always great to get your input on this subject, Jeff! Total respect for your continuing to try to help people caught up in this, I don't know how you keep doing it for so long, it must be the successes that keep you going! :thumbup

I realized that as I was reading your post that what you do isn't too far off from coaching High School athletes. Most aren't going to achieve the levels that they hope for, but some will, and often it's the amount of effort and focus they're willing to put in to succeed along with (in track) a fair amount of genetics that help give them the edge to succeed. I imagine that genetics can play a role in treatment, as well, with some more predisposed to be addicted to something than others.

It seems you have a similar passion for this as I do for coaching Track. :thumbup
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I agree with you, Brett. The genetics and motivation parts are the things we can't teach yet they play such an important role in what you and I both do.
...and yes, like you, I stay in it because it can be unbelievably rewarding but I have been hip deep in some shitty situations and setbacks too. It's the success stories that keep us moving forward. I made a late-in-life career change to do this. After spending decades in dealership service departments turning wrenches I went full-on Rodney Dangerfield and went "Back To School". I may be more proud of my UC Berkeley license plate frame than most people.
Funny story- When I was still new at my first job in this field my supervisor asked me "Are you sure you want to work with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts?" I replied "Sure. I've been working with them for the last 25 years!" :laughing

Jammer said:
A much different life than the one we saw him leading, thank goodness.
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This is awesome! I love this stuff. :thumbup
 
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Jammer - what a great story with a nice outcome. So glad to hear your son had that "epiphany", so many do not. I was watching a vid this morning about the problems SF is facing with drug abuse and homelessness and an advocate who was a homeless addict himself, was saying that at least 70% of the homeless are addicts and need treatment, yet only 25% of the money spent on the homeless actually goes to drug treatment, the rest to building tent cities or installing public bathrooms. For instance, SF installed 24 public bathrooms at a cost of $350,000 each, the costs going to 24 hour security, upkeep and supplies. None of this goes towards getting folks off of drugs which is the root cause. Then there are the 272 tents that SF put up that cost annually $61,000 per tent. The money goes to several non-profits, one that supplies the tents, another that supplies the 3 meals a day, another that provides bathrooms/showers/security. Only 300 people are housed out of the estimated 8,000+ homeless in SF. And again, nothing for drug treatment.
 
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Today, January 28th, is Frank's last official day at KTVU. Gone and now forgotten...
 
Jammer said:
I think he had an epiphany while holding the pipe to his lips and it just struck him that this was not the life he wanted. He sat it down and walked away from his 'friends'.
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That's it entirely. Quitting has to be his choice. Interventions, ultimatums, court-orders, none of it is going to stick if the decision to quit is being forced (or even "lovingly encouraged") by others.

Promises will be made, money spent, programs followed, but unless the person personally decides that they want to quit and it's their decision to quit, it's just not going to last.

We're stubborn. If I want to drink, nothing anyone can say or do is going to stop me. But then when I make the decision to stop... I'm just as stubborn about getting my own way. If I want to stop, I'm going to stop.
 
Climber said:
How about the AA groups?
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Every group is different. The "traditional" meetings tend to have more of the bible-thumper members, who will insist that you HAVE to get a sponsor, you HAVE to work the steps, you HAVE to pray to god every day to keep you sober. And if you don't do those things religiously (lol), you're going to relapse.

But if you attend the secular meetings or even the lgbt meetings, the mood tends to be much more relaxed, with the mantra "take what you need [from the program] and leave the rest". You don't have to follow the prescribed AA dogma from the 1930s, you can just do what works best for you and the members in those meetings won't try to judge/correct you for it.

Finding a home group is a process. If you go to one group's meeting and you don't like the people or the atmosphere, feel free to try a different group. A lot of people will go to one meeting, hate it, and proclaim "AA isn't for me", when it's really just that one group which wasn't for you.
 
Wolf said:
Every group is different. The "traditional" meetings tend to have more of the bible-thumper members, who will insist that you HAVE to get a sponsor, you HAVE to work the steps, you HAVE to pray to god every day to keep you sober. And if you don't do those things religiously (lol), you're going to relapse.

But if you attend the secular meetings or even the lgbt meetings, the mood tends to be much more relaxed, with the mantra "take what you need [from the program] and leave the rest". You don't have to follow the prescribed AA dogma from the 1930s, you can just do what works best for you and the members in those meetings won't try to judge/correct you for it.

Finding a home group is a process. If you go to one group's meeting and you don't like the people or the atmosphere, feel free to try a different group. A lot of people will go to one meeting, hate it, and proclaim "AA isn't for me", when it's really just that one group which wasn't for you.
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^^^^^^^^
Very well said...all of it.
 
Wolf said:
Every group is different. The "traditional" meetings tend to have more of the bible-thumper members, who will insist that you HAVE to get a sponsor, you HAVE to work the steps, you HAVE to pray to god every day to keep you sober. And if you don't do those things religiously (lol), you're going to relapse.

But if you attend the secular meetings or even the lgbt meetings, the mood tends to be much more relaxed, with the mantra "take what you need [from the program] and leave the rest". You don't have to follow the prescribed AA dogma from the 1930s, you can just do what works best for you and the members in those meetings won't try to judge/correct you for it.

Finding a home group is a process. If you go to one group's meeting and you don't like the people or the atmosphere, feel free to try a different group. A lot of people will go to one meeting, hate it, and proclaim "AA isn't for me", when it's really just that one group which wasn't for you.
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Do they have some sort of online group finder tool?
 
Wolf said:
Every group is different. The "traditional" meetings tend to have more of the bible-thumper members, who will insist that you HAVE to get a sponsor, you HAVE to work the steps, you HAVE to pray to god every day to keep you sober. And if you don't do those things religiously (lol), you're going to relapse.

But if you attend the secular meetings or even the lgbt meetings, the mood tends to be much more relaxed, with the mantra "take what you need [from the program] and leave the rest". You don't have to follow the prescribed AA dogma from the 1930s, you can just do what works best for you and the members in those meetings won't try to judge/correct you for it.

Finding a home group is a process. If you go to one group's meeting and you don't like the people or the atmosphere, feel free to try a different group. A lot of people will go to one meeting, hate it, and proclaim "AA isn't for me", when it's really just that one group which wasn't for you.
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great info - but question for you - how do you think a person’s ability to self regulate factors into their success? your first example implies a belief that a person can’t (therefore, the heavy handed approach), and your second implies they can (softer approach with more active deliberation involved in seeking a solution). WRT the second approach, it would seem that if a person were able to make such logic driven and nuanced decisions, they’d be able to do that WRT their alcohol consumption before they spin out of control. seems like a gap to me - expecting someone who exhibits out of control behavior to be able to take a somewhat aggressive measure of control in solving their own problem (if at first you don’t succeed….switch gears, so to speak - which sounds challenging for someone stuck in compound low). am very curious, and it sounds like you may have some insight on this (alcohol abuse being just one of many out of control behaviors that people have).
 
Some shrinks try to use religion to 'cure' alcoholics, kind of like they believe they can 'cure' gays with prayer.

It's worse than a failure when their client stops at the liquor store for a drink on the way home, every time.
 
Eldritch said:
Do they have some sort of online group finder tool?
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There was a Secular AA site which had a good list of meetings, but can't seem to find it. Closest thing is this list of online meetings:

https://aasecular.org/online-meetings/

I usually just google "secular aa meetings" along with the city.

For all meetings, you'd need to find the local area's "aa intergroup", which is like the regional organization for all meetings in the area. Again, it's mainly googling.

ie: https://aasanjose.org/meetings

Then you can filter by the type of meeting: book study, women only, etc...
 
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littlebeast said:
your first example implies a belief that a person can’t (therefore, the heavy handed approach), and your second implies they can (softer approach with more active deliberation involved in seeking a solution).

WRT the second approach, it would seem that if a person were able to make such logic driven and nuanced decisions, they’d be able to do that WRT their alcohol consumption before they spin out of control. seems like a gap to me - expecting someone who exhibits out of control behavior to be able to take a somewhat aggressive measure of control in solving their own problem (if at first you don’t succeed….switch gears, so to speak - which sounds challenging for someone stuck in compound low). am very curious, and it sounds like you may have some insight on this (alcohol abuse being just one of many out of control behaviors that people have).
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For me, initially it was a bit of denial that there was a problem. I was in my 20s and it's normal for people in their 20s to go out and get drunk every night.

Then once I knew I had a problem, it was a matter of finding the motivation to actually want to make a change and quit. Even when you know there's a problem, it seems insurmountable so it's just easier to run from it than to work to fix it.

After I finally decided that I was going to quit. Then it becomes just a matter of willpower to actually not drink. The hard part was getting into the right headspace so I was at a point where I wanted to improve things.
 
Wolf said:
After I finally decided that I was going to quit. Then it becomes just a matter of willpower to actually not drink. The hard part was getting into the right headspace so I was at a point where I wanted to improve things.
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This is spot-on.
In our 30 day program we can teach relapse prevention, trauma/addiction, grief/loss, CBT and other valuable tools and life skills, but....the one thing we simply can not teach is "the want". Without that, the rest is just frosting.
 
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