Hospice recommendations

[900ss]

My 94 year old mother in law is in hospital again, taken once again from her skilled nursing care facility (that's a story for another time; skilled care?) to the E.R. Medical staff are recommending hospice care; she has stage 4 breast cancer discovered July 2016 that has metastasized. She is diabetic with complications and has many other medical issues. God, is she a tough bird though.

Any recommendations for or experience with hospice care providers, preferably at home? We're in San Jose.

Cancer sucks.

 

[budman]

I know a lady who runs a senior center a little north of you. I will ask her tomorrow. God bless your MIL.

Best to your fam too. Has to be tough on you all.

 

[byke]

Don't have much for ya besides shared pain. In hindsight, a minute can mean a lot during these times in life, fight for the good ones.

 

[900ss]

I know a lady who runs a senior center a little north of you. I will ask her tomorrow. God bless your MIL.

Best to your fam too. Has to be tough on you all.

Thanks, it has been an incredibly tough and emotional 15 months. In particular, the past 13 weeks have been brutal on my wife, spending every day by her bedside in the "skilled care" facility. My mother in law fell and broke her femur 13 weeks ago, and she has been in a full leg cast ever since.

Watching my mother in law become a living skeleton with reduced mental capacity, increasingly unable to be independent and express herself, knowing she is frightened has been a horrible experience. I go to work every day, but my wife goes to be with her mom every day.

 

[900ss]

Don't have much for ya besides shared pain. In hindsight, a minute can mean a lot during these times in life, fight for the good ones.

Thanks, you are right on the money.....

 

[motomania2007]

I can't offer much advice regarding hospice care.

Please please make sure you have all the legalities settled now, immediately, today, don't wait another moment.

Thing like her estate plan, General Powers of Attorney (for managing her estate/finances), Medical Powers of Attorney (for making medical decisions), DNR or not, and these days, something I wish I could have given my father in his last days as it was what he wanted: a medical assisted dying to ease the pain and end things by their choice...

The last is not for everyone and that is fine but it was really really brutal watching my father in his last hours and how it devastated my mother and sisters. I did not get to breakdown until several hours later.

I do not envy this time for you. It is tough on everyone.

A necessary part of life but very very hard to go through.

My thoughts go out to you, your wife, your MIL and your family.

 

[bruceflinch]

Best Wishes OP.

 

[Mike95060]

I'm sorry to here this Ken. My Step-father in laws finale months were dramatically improved by the angels from hospice. I know the Neptune Society was also involved and they were a help. I think the folks who helped us were based out of New Mexico but I will check.

 

[900ss]

I can't offer much advice regarding hospice care.

Please please make sure you have all the legalities settled now, immediately, today, don't wait another moment.

Thing like her estate plan, General Powers of Attorney (for managing her estate/finances), Medical Powers of Attorney (for making medical decisions), DNR or not, and these days, something I wish I could have given my father in his last days as it was what he wanted: a medical assisted dying to ease the pain and end things by their choice...

The last is not for everyone and that is fine but it was really really brutal watching my father in his last hours and how it devastated my mother and sisters. I did not get to breakdown until several hours later.

I do not envy this time for you. It is tough on everyone.

A necessary part of life but very very hard to go through.

My thoughts go out to you, your wife, your MIL and your family.

Thanks very much for this George; we set up her estate a little over two years ago so legal issues should be a non-issue. We have found that some MDs seem to feel that she is a lost cause and are ready to let her die, and some feel she should keep soldiering on. Trying to get facts instead of their esteemed personal opinions has proven difficult and frustrating.

 

[Mike95060]

Thanks very much for this George; we set up her estate a little over two years ago so legal issues should be a non-issue. We have found that some MDs seem to feel that she is a lost cause and are ready to let her die, and some feel she should keep soldiering on. Trying to get facts instead of their esteemed personal opinions has proven difficult and frustrating.

Holy shit man. At 94 I think any doc that wants her to "keep fighting" is out to milk medicare. How do you not put her comfort and quality of life first??? Am I reading you wrong here?

 

[900ss]

Thank you Bruce and Mike. Mike, any recommendations are appreciated. Are you going to check out the Castroville auction on the 25th?

 

[Mike95060]

Thank you Bruce and Mike. Mike, any recommendations are appreciated. Are you going to check out the Castroville auction on the 25th?

You are welcome, I asked Mrs, Mike if she could find out from her mom Who the Hospice providers were. It might take a while to know, her mom is traveling right now but will be visiting with us in a week.


I think we have pretty much squared up with Selway, the boss man waiting till financials are squared away last I heard.

 

[Yakoo752]

You can always use Hospice Compare (https://www.medicare.gov/hospicecompare/) to identify locations. This is a voluntary program so not all Hospices share their quality metrics

 

[Strigoi]

I used Vitas Hospice (IIRC) for my dad. I was very happy with their services and would wholly recommend them. My dad had congestive heart failure and some other stuff going on.

I used Bristol hospice for my mom and they were terrible. I have nothing positive to say about them. I think they're only up in the Sac/Roseville area though.

 

[900ss]

Holy shit man. At 94 I think any doc that wants her to "keep fighting" is out to milk medicare. How do you not put her comfort and quality of life first??? Am I reading you wrong here?

Perhaps "soldiering on" paints an inaccurate picture. There are those who seem to feel if she wants to keep going, so be it; they will work to give her their best care possible. She is a fighter and yet hasn't given any real signal she wants to quit. She is still looking forward to getting out to Starbucks with Geoffrey.

 

[budman]

My friend is still researching with their past clients. Hope to hear back soon Ken.

 

[900ss]

My friend is still researching with their past clients. Hope to hear back soon Ken.

Thank you sir, it's appreciated. My wife and I are discussing benefits of home hospice vs. hospice in the convalescent facility.

 

[JimE]

Blarg. This is a tough one. Sorry your doing this. I went through this with my mother. She was a stage 4 cancer survivor (twice) and when it came back they just let it go. The chemo was killing her faster. She was 63. It took a really long time and there were stages to it.... Here's what happened and my experience:
-We were lucky in that her sister was able to host her for those final days. It took about 6 months. This process needs somebody around full time. More so later. As this happened various family took shifts so nobody got burned out. There was washing, clothing, changing diapers, medications, food, etc..
-If you don't have this resource available you may not want to start down this path. I think it would have been really tough for everyone involved, and a very tough decision to come to, if we had not been strong and had to take her to a full time facility.
-Hosting the passing of a loved one will not only take the combined forces of your family but will test you as one. There are still some scars and misgivings that linger years later. Don't get me wrong: we all still talk. It was just a bit tough at times and patience and courage were needed. If you don't get along now you won't.
-We worked with a single point of contact from Hospice. It was a bit rough getting going but once we did great things happened. At the right time a hospital bed was provided. Medications and training on their administration was provided. Specific supplies were provided. Advice was available and calls returned promptly. At the time the right folks came and collected her and, per her wishes, took her to the crematorium. My mother died penniless and they did this free of charge.
-At the end of the day I'm glad it worked out the way it did. We had enough time to talk, have uncomfortable silences, talk more, have comfortable silences. I don't think I would have had that in a hospital type setting.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Best wishes to you as you take this path. Remember to breathe deep, pause and go for a ride.

 

[Mike95060]

Perhaps "soldiering on" paints an inaccurate picture. There are those who seem to feel if she wants to keep going, so be it; they will work to give her their best care possible. She is a fighter and yet hasn't given any real signal she wants to quit. She is still looking forward to getting out to Starbucks with Geoffrey.

Thanks for the calcification Ken. Your second post paints a much gentler picture. I hope Geoffery gets a few more happy coffee dates.

 

[two wheel tramp]

My Aunt Linda had home hospice. Seems less disruptive. This was in the Redding area. Her nurses made sure she was as comfortable as they could (palliative care).

She passed at home peacefully, in her own bed. Surrounded by people who loved her.

I got nothing for you other than that experience and my best wishes for you and your family.