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girlfriends riding with another guy?

This may be a very simple test of several kinds, including your resolve in the relationship. I would not give her a helmet. That is telling her something that you may not feel.
 
JakesKTM said:
Well - its a lot different than meeting at starbucks after an NA meeting
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Honestly? I don't see a difference. Can you elaborate?

In my experience (personal and anecdotal) if someone's going to cheat they're going to cheat. Vanilla or kinky, monogamous or open, whatever, cheating happens with some people.

Don't get me wrong, I do support you in drawing lines and being clear with your partner about what's okay with you and what's not. I'm just not understanding the motorcycle ride angle.
 
I took a step back and looked at this from another perspective:

First of all, I don’t own or control anyone except myself.

If she were to NOT go on the ride, she would be modifying her plans to facilitate my feelings of insecurity about the situation.

THAT only enables my feeling of insecurity and does nothing to build trust.

If I insist she not go on the ride, that would be controlling and that’s not cool. She is her own person.

If she goes on the ride and becomes intimate with him beyond just riding on the motorcycle - well then she has crossed a boundary I am unwilling to negotiate and we are done.

It’s her call. I have no control over the universe if those two need to be together.

I move forward.
 
Given the circumstance you laid out in the first post, boundary seems to be going on the ride at all.

Maybe even saying she will, whether she goes or not.

But that's on you where the line is.
 
I find it odd when one person in a monogamous, non-open relationship makes comments about how "hot" other people are. Number one it's useless trivia (why do you need to describe someone when you're talking about them?), and number two it could hurt your partner (unless he/she belongs to the small minority of people who would never be hurt by such comments).

If it's a really specific comment like "wow, he/she has a nice ass" or "wow he/she has great hair", then that's one thing. It's OK to appreciate a specific feature or quality someone else has. But the word "hot" implies a broader sense of attraction, and comes closer to "I would totally bang him/her if I could".
 
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Reli said:
I find it odd when one person in a monogamous, non-open relationship makes comments about how "hot" other people are. Not sure what the point is, other than to raise hidden insecurities.
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Or to ask permission even though it is non-open. Perhaps the confusion is I was in an open relationship previously. So it's possible I wasn't clear about the fact I didn't want to be in an open relationship this time :rolleyes
 
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JakesKTM said:
I took a step back and looked at this from another perspective:

First of all, I don’t own or control anyone except myself.

If she were to NOT go on the ride, she would be modifying her plans to facilitate my feelings of insecurity about the situation.

THAT only enables my feeling of insecurity and does nothing to build trust.

If I insist she not go on the ride, that would be controlling and that’s not cool. She is her own person.

If she goes on the ride and becomes intimate with him beyond just riding on the motorcycle - well then she has crossed a boundary I am unwilling to negotiate and we are done.

It’s her call. I have no control over the universe if those two need to be together.

I move forward.
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You're overthinking this. You were right the first time. She made a poor choice to even consider going for the ride. She should have shut Harley Dude down right off the bat. She doesn't sound like the one.
 
My :2cents ... I'm in a committed monogamous relationship and although my SO indicated this morning (cause I asked him when I was reading the thread earlier) that he wouldn't mind if I rode with someone else or rode behind someone else, I wouldn't do it or ask him to do it. It's not something I want to do and I respect our relationship enough not to casually hang out with other men.

Honest, open communication goes a long way. He trusts me but I would never put him in the position of having to question the trust.
 
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you seem to have convinced yourself that the primary issue is your insecurity, not these two's display of lack of respect for you.

your conversation with her should be extending beyond the moto ride invite. it has to do with you drawing the line of what you think is acceptable (in this case what is unacceptable) interaction with this harley guy.


yeah, you can't control anyone's actions but you can gauge how someone truly respects your wishes

what are you waiting for? for proof that an act actually happened?
 
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My wife could ride on the back of George Clooney's motorcycle and I wouldn't be worried. If you don't have that kind of trust, look for a partner with whom you do.
 
Sane_Man said:
What model of HD did he buy? If he bought a Sportster, assuming they still make them, he wants to do her. If it is a Road King or a FLXKSTVRZ, he may just wants her to see he's getting paid now. :x
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Aweee shhiit.. Loik who's here!!! :wave
 
Reli said:
I find it odd when one person in a monogamous, non-open relationship makes comments about how "hot" other people are. Number one it's useless trivia (why do you need to describe someone when you're talking about them?), and number two it could hurt your partner (unless he/she belongs to the small minority of people who would never be hurt by such comments).

If it's a really specific comment like "wow, he/she has a nice ass" or "wow he/she has great hair", then that's one thing. It's OK to appreciate a specific feature or quality someone else has. But the word "hot" implies a broader sense of attraction, and comes closer to "I would totally bang him/her if I could".
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+1
 
Cut her loose, you're not in high school this kinda stuff isn't acceptable.

Either she's already banging him, wants to or just fucking with you I'm not sure. The fact that she would say yes to his offer, knowing she wants to bang him, and then also tells you that says a lot about her.

Don't be a doormat, either tell her you're not comfortable with it or just cut her loose. She wouldn't have put you in that situation if she had any respect for you. Maybe she's feeling you out versus Harley guy, she wants you to sack up and say no? Either way you don't want to be with someone who plays games, life is too short for that. If you do break up with her she for SURE will be banging that dude though.
 
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Wow, 9 pages already.

Sometimes being young and in love sucks. Sorry but you have be prepared to lose this one. All you can do is tell her how you feel. If she cares it will change what she does.
 
OP .. I was in the same situation you were in .. Years ago..An old flame moved back to the bay area and my newly SO asked if he could take her on a ride. Knowing full well she was the "orange" and others were apples.. I .. Beeing fairly shy and in a fairly new relationship.. Said yes. Knowing full well of what could happen. And it did. Her flame was re-kindled for him.. Which I knw full well would happen.. And I'm not positive as to what exacly went through his mind. I sensed attraction and heat.. However.. There was always the understanding that.. "If you think someone is better than me and you like her more" than go. I'm not sure how things dissipated after the ride and what kind of talk went on without my knowing.. But it ended up that we stayed together and the old flame.. Well.. Just stayed old. Hindsight.. I would NOT DO IT THE SAME AGAIN. I was uncomfortable.. Didn't like the idea.. But i guess my passive nature said yes. A chance I was willing to take. If it ended up that indeed he wanted to go back to his old flame.. Then so be it. I would move on. I was young at the time.. But now I would not let it slide. Now.. If I have the inclination that someone I'm with still has the hots for someone from the past.. No matter what the activity would be.. I would not not be down. Even if the boundaries in the relationship are not well defined.. At my age now... No ��. Doesn't make me feel good and I'm not gonna stick around. I've become more square at my old age. I don't want that nonsense in my life.
 
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Bubba_s said:
Why are people comparing a platonic ride to two people who want to bang each other going on a ride. I've ridden in both situations, they're DIFFERENT
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This.

I had a recent similar situation with a completely different outcome.

My suggestion to OP would be talk to future chicks about boundaries early and often to prevent similar situations. Even without those talks, a decent partner would tell Mr Harley " that sounds fun, let me see if my SO is ok with it".

My personal boundaries are my buddy taking you :thumbup

Me taking your bff :thumbup

Riding 2up at the track for funzies :thumbup

Pretty much anything outside of that is murky. Ymmv
 
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