• There has been a recent cluster of spammers accessing BARFer accounts and posting spam. To safeguard your account, please consider changing your password. It would be even better to take the additional step of enabling 2 Factor Authentication (2FA) on your BARF account. Read more here.

The BARF mental health thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
Brokenlink said:
I suffer with depression. Mostly the whole seasonal thing which manifests itself in Spring. This year wasn't too bad, but it got me. I don't have an answer. I don't really know what works for me. I show it through anger, which then affects my relationships, which then makes me more depressed because I am being an asshole, and it's a vicious cycle.

Sure, riding my mountain bike is my happy place. And the exercise helps for sure. But I also have to be open to changing my attitude, and sometimes, I just want to wallow in my pit of despair.
Click to expand...
re: wallowing, sometimes it's the only thing we are capable of at any given time. I have friends who suffer from truly horrible depression and all I can offer them is grace and love that they might not be able to offer themselves at the moment.

Thanks for being candid about your experiences.
 
of course what I mean is their familial patterns that get passed down over the generations. This is where awareness and self compassion makes their entry into the discussion.
 
Melissa said:
I've worked in the mental health field for over 20 years and what I notice is that more and more people feel less stigmatized when they openly explore and understand patterns.
Click to expand...

Very true.
 
Melissa said:
they say that depression is anger turned inward.
Anyone ever hear of that way of thinking?
Click to expand...
i have not heard that, but it does strike a chord.

two wheel tramp said:
:wave
Life is fucking rough. Whether it's nerds like me who talk to a therapist a few times a month to help with sorting out feelings and talking about healthy ways to cope, or folks who have more serious challenges, we're all going through something.

This is the mental health thread. There is no being a dick, no judging, just support and maybe sharing what has worked to help you cope.

One of my mechanisms when shit gets real is patting my chest and transporting myself to Ocean Beach, pedaling there on a sunny day.
Click to expand...

talking. expressing my feelings. wait, back up. i have to seriously think about what i am feeling, and then turn those feelings into words. it is difficult for me to put feelings into words. i was taught to not say or think about what i am feeling and to discount my feelings and emotions. bottle it all up and let it all out when no one is watching. except that never happens. i am trying to blow off steam as it accumulates, to prevent nuclear meltdowns, if that makes any sense. probably not. oh well.

i am listening to this thread and expressing what i do, keeping an open mind to others' solutions
 
Melissa said:
oh well, did not work for too long.
Click to expand...
two wheel tramp said:
I'm disappointed. I wanted this to work and be a good spot to discuss things.
Click to expand...
I had a feeling it would go this way, which is why I never started a thread. It is very hard to discuss, especially with those that minimize it.
I will do my best to ignore the dip-shit in the room.
I had an older brother that had the same issues as me. We were the closest two in age. He was a very successful business owner. He used to really give me a hard time for seeing a psychiatrist, he saw it as weakness. He would infuriate me by saying "you just need to cheer up". He denied that he had any mental health issues right up until the day he hung himself. I should have told him to walk around the block.
 
Melissa said:
they say that depression is anger turned inward.
Anyone ever hear of that way of thinking?
Click to expand...
Yeah I don't think anger fits for me. Despair, hopelessness and ennui all fit better for me. Anger makes me want to do SOMETHNG. Anger can get me off my ass. Depression? Exact opposite for me. When I'm down, simple existence seems pretty difficult or pointless. Or maybe better said, when I'm in a really dark place, no reason for existing seems adequate. It's a shitty place to spend time. Anyone dealing with something bigger or heavier than "the blues" has a real struggle on their hands.
 
two wheel tramp said:
No, actually, if you read what I wrote, I said "patting my chest and transporting myself", as in using mental imagery to go to a place that is happy and safe for me. I am not telling anyone what to do, but rather speaking to what has worked for me and what my therapist and I have come up with together. You have come in here, heavy-handed with "I don't know what you are going through, but just do these three easy steps, and all will be fine." The way you are delivering your content is the problem.


Also, I thought you said you were out of here. I would like you to honor that.
Click to expand...

Whether you actually went to your happy and safe place or simply went there in your mind is irrelevant. What you did was to take time for yourself. And it’s also a form of meditating. Which is one of the things I suggested.

And as of this point in time, I find this subject too important to leave. If I can offer suggestions that someone might find helpful, I will continue to be here.
 
Last edited:
Side note, I stumbled down a rabbit hole recently of "emotions English has no word for." I have found it quite interesting.

www.berlitz.com

25 genius words for emotions + feelings that don’t exist in English

Discover a collection of some of the most mellifluous and quintessential words for feelings and emotions that don’t exist in English.
www.berlitz.com www.berlitz.com

25. Toska

Language: Russian​

Leave it to the Russians to create some of the most profound emotion words. Toska means great spiritual anguish without a particular cause, and the writer Vladimir Nabokov made sure to emphasize that no English word could capture its subtleties.

“In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness,” he wrote. “At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”
Click to expand...

23. Sisu

Language: Finnish​

Showing courage and resoluteness in the face of adversity, sticking to your guns even when things get tough, relying on grit and determination to get through a task or period of time—these are characteristics that describe sisu. Finns themselves like to call sisu their national character.
Click to expand...

16. Weltschmertz

Language: German​

Literally translated as “world-weariness” or “world pain,” this term is now used to describe the melancholic feeling of being overwhelmed at the state of the world while being a part of it.
Click to expand...
 
One thing that I have found helped me, and this was completely unintentional, is becoming more self-aware. I used to walk around thinking I had the answers to life and I would always try to explain to others what I felt was their best course of action.

Got kid problems? Clearly I am the right person to help with that, never having had kids myself.
Marital problems? Well, if I was married I would do this and that....

At a certain point, I started realizing I wasn't really helping by providing "solutions". I became much more aware of my self, my actions, and my attitutde. Has it changed much about me? Not really because I don't put the time into solving my own problems. But it sure as hell has stopped making other people think I am a pretentious know-it-all.

Perhaps, and I say this with the utmost sincerity, someone else in thiS Thread might benefit from a little self-reflection and understanding, and a little less "suggestions" based on no experience.
 
Brokenlink said:
Perhaps, and I say this with the utmost sincerity, someone else in thiS Thread might benefit from a little self-reflection and understanding, and a little less "suggestions" based on no experience.
Click to expand...
Or, he could take his "suggestions", write them down on a piece of paper, roll it up nice and tight, and... :shame
 
I am familiar with the Finnish term sisu and love it @Mike95060
Melissa said:
so funny, I sometimes talk to my boyfriend about-can I just vent w/o you offering up a solution?
He does it to try and make me feel better.
Remember, men are more solution focused then women in most circumstances.
Click to expand...
I had this very conversation with a friend the other day. His beloved has had some recent struggles with her family while planning their nuptials. He said he has offered advice and solutions. I let him know she might just want an ear and a shoulder to lean on.

Sometimes, just by talking through something, I figure out my own answer.
 
One thing that I have found helpful is to realize that your brain is always on. Always thinking. Even while you are sleeping. That is where dreams come from. From undirected thoughts without any influence from your conscience mind. Your thoughts cannot be shut off.

And this means that sometimes thoughts will come into your mind that run counter to the life you want to have. And the only thing you can do is acknowledge their existence and dismiss them. Direct your thoughts elsewhere. This is a learned skill and is critical to good mental health.
 
you know what can help with your metal issues? Watching more SailorMoon, then you'll realize that as bad as your problems are at least you're not the Moon Princess from a thousand years ago reincarnated as a Japanese school girl with the mission to save the earth from the Evil Queen bent on destroying the world you live in and taking your boyfriend from you.


call me when you're crying in a phone booth, oh yeah there ain't none no more.
 
Last edited:
Melissa said:
so funny, I sometimes talk to my boyfriend about-can I just vent w/o you offering up a solution?
He does it to try and make me feel better.
Remember, men are more solution focused then women in most circumstances.
Click to expand...
This should be in the pet peeve thread.

My wife does this all the time and it drives me up the fucking wall because she eventually will want to know what I’m thinking…she doesn’t really want to know.
 
Isn't the diagnosis BARF? Or is BARF the treatment?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top