I didn't say he went faster than me, just that he was fast - in spite of the bike being slow according to you. Didn't seem to slow him down, although I'm not sure he was interested in being faster.
As for that logic: I think he didn't care what anyone else thought about the bike - it was right for him. It certainly went fast enough, and he rode it a lot so it was good for distance as well, which seemed to be his thing. It wasn't a "shitty bike" by any measure other than yours, which is seriously flawed.
Good bikes are good in context. Want a good bike for posing at Starbucks? Get a Duc or a Harley. Posing in the Mission with your hipster friends? Sportsters, new Bonnies, and "cafe" CBs are good bikes. Want to rack up tons of miles at a good clip? There are lots of good bikes for that too - and it appears "slow" bikes work just fine for that, in spite of your insistence otherwise.
So tell us - what's a good bike if I'm looking to have my mom run over it, and then spend a lifetime talking trash on the web, without apparently ever riding a motorbike?