• There has been a recent cluster of spammers accessing BARFer accounts and posting spam. To safeguard your account, please consider changing your password. It would be even better to take the additional step of enabling 2 Factor Authentication (2FA) on your BARF account. Read more here.

Help - How has dating changed in the last 20 years?

oobus said:
Oh dear god, now you've turned her into a housebound hermit. I'd switch teams if this were my dating pool.
Click to expand...

:rofl:rofl It's all good. I am not switching teams yet.. but ask me again in 3 months. I might feel differently.
 
I find that most dating BS and relationship issues can be worked out on the assumption that both the people actually like each other and don't bullshit each other.

I don't blame men or women for being on the defensive due to being burned in the past.
 
Reli said:
Since two-thirds of all men have some hairloss by age 35, that's not surprising
Click to expand...

Two things bother me about this:
It makes me realize I AM old.
The baseball cap cover up. I've never been a baseball cap fan.

Some hairloss doesn't bother me, if they don't otherwise seem ancient :nchantr
 
///M3lissa said:
Two things bother me about this:
It makes me realize I AM old.
The baseball cap cover up. I've never been a baseball cap fan.

Some hairloss doesn't bother me, if they don't otherwise seem ancient :nchantr
Click to expand...

So more than "some" hairloss sucks, but covering it with a cap also sucks? So they're screwed either way I guess. I iz confuzed.
 
What's the barf group brides section I keep hearing about?
 
Last edited:
Reli said:
So more than "some" hairloss sucks, but covering it with a cap also sucks? So they're screwed either way I guess. I iz confuzed.
Click to expand...

Some guys can make it work and some can't. It's one of those "I'll know it when I see it kind of things".
 
///M3lissa said:
Signed up for match.com.

Most of the guys look really old and have no hair. It also seems like most of them barely make an income over the poverty line. Half of them are in a band (no way, did that with the ex..).

:cry
Click to expand...

Match is pretty wack. On the free version of the site, they make it seem like all these young, blonde, college co-eds want to talk to you. The minute you sign up, all of a sudden the contacts stop and your profile suddenly becomes "invisible" to the rest of the users out there. Besides that, you need to PAY in order to send or receive messages. Fuck that.

Realize that most dating sites are in it for the money. Trust me when I say that most people don't come away unscathed when they decide to use online dating.
 
///M3lissa said:
I know much better what I want now. I don't want to date someone below the poverty line. I don't need another couch warmer. I can't related to someone like that. They better be able to support themselves decently.. if they haven't done that by their mid-30's something is very likely wrong with them.
Click to expand...

Being on top of your finances (normalize for age appropriateness) is a part of having your shit together which is table stakes. If you don't have your shit together, you don't "deserve" a mate. Period. Full stop.

Stick to your guns ma'am! :thumbup
 
Last edited:
Silence said:
Being on top of your finances (normalize for age appropriateness) is a part of having your shit together which is table stakes. If you don't have your shit together, you don't "deserve" a mate. Period. Full stop.
Click to expand...

Ooh...pretty Natzi!!!

15-46-2260-727x530.jpg


///M3lissa said:
I know much better what I want now. I don't want to date someone below the poverty line. I don't need another couch warmer. I can't related to someone like that. They better be able to support themselves decently.. if they haven't done that by their mid-30's something is very likely wrong with them.
Click to expand...


Isn't that sexist? Men of age apparently don't care about a woman's finances if they take her. :x
 
Last edited:
AbsolutEnduser said:
Snip..

Isn't that sexist? Men of age apparently don't care about a woman's finances if they take her. :x
Click to expand...

I can't speak to what other men do, but I can tell you I don't want a woman or a man in my life depending on me to support them financially. It's not sexist.. it's called done being someone else's sugar momma.
 
Agent Orange said:
Match is pretty wack. On the free version of the site, they make it seem like all these young, blonde, college co-eds want to talk to you. The minute you sign up, all of a sudden the contacts stop and your profile suddenly becomes "invisible" to the rest of the users out there. Besides that, you need to PAY in order to send or receive messages. Fuck that.

Realize that most dating sites are in it for the money. Trust me when I say that most people don't come away unscathed when they decide to use online dating.
Click to expand...

I am definitely seeing what you are saying, other than I didn't see cute young, blonde, college co-eds. The selection I saw last night when I signed up was abysmal. I'll be honest, I cried when I saw what my prospects were. Nothing like a harsh dose of reality. Things seemed to improve slightly today when I dug in a little deeper (must have been the big girl panties I put on).

I have nearly 20 match emails waiting for me to respond and I am not sure I want to pay to do it :(
 
Note that there is definitely a selection bias that occurs with the population that engages in online dating--effectively increasing the "junk rate" that you will need to filter out. Confident individuals with sufficient social exposure will have less of an incentive to pursue that channel than those that aren't terribly marketable. My advice is to increase social exposure through hobbies/passions--preferably with a non-trivial economic barrier to entry--establish common ground, foster friendships and pick from the litter. Good people have been and are still out there and the way to meet them hasn't really changed. The way I see it, technology is mostly assisting the "courtship" challenged end of the spectrum.
 
Last edited:
The Bay area is great for meeting people via activities. Try Meetup, or pursuing one of your existing hobbies more vigorously. I see people joining adult activity groups where they play games in the park.

I assume you must have "normal" friends, who must also have friends. Ask around. I've had a lot of good dates with friends of friends.
 
Silence said:
Note that there is definitely a selection bias that occurs with the population that engages in online dating--effectively increasing the "junk rate" that you will need to filter out. Confident individuals with sufficient social exposure will have less of an incentive to pursue that channel than those that aren't terribly marketable. My advice is to increase social exposure through hobbies/passions--preferably with a non-trivial economic barrier to entry--establish common ground, foster friendships and pick from the litter. Good people have been and are still out there and the way to meet them, hasn't really changed. The way I see it, technology is mostly assisting the "courtship" challenged end of the spectrum.
Click to expand...

After my first 24 hours online I can definitely see spending more time cultivating other avenues to meet people. I am not sure this online thing is going to cut it for me. Thanks for the suggestions :thumbup
 
A lot of my friends are bald/balding. Their wives still find them funny, entertaining, charming, personable, sexy, etc.

I'm fortunate that at 37 my hair is just starting to go gray, so I can't say I've ever been rejected over it.
 
///M3lissa said:
I am definitely seeing what you are saying, other than I didn't see cute young, blonde, college co-eds. The selection I saw last night when I signed up was abysmal. I'll be honest, I cried when I saw what my prospects were. Nothing like a harsh dose of reality. Things seemed to improve slightly today when I dug in a little deeper (must have been the big girl panties I put on).

I have nearly 20 match emails waiting for me to respond and I am not sure I want to pay to do it :(
Click to expand...

Two things:

1) Match.com is old-school, mostly older people and those who aren't very hip generally speaking. It's like going to Elliott's bar in Danville and complaining that Bay Area nightlife sucks.

2) You're in a college town, which provides a lot more ways to meet people.....Take advantage of it.
 
///M3lissa said:
I am definitely seeing what you are saying, other than I didn't see cute young, blonde, college co-eds. The selection I saw last night when I signed up was abysmal. I'll be honest, I cried when I saw what my prospects were. Nothing like a harsh dose of reality. Things seemed to improve slightly today when I dug in a little deeper (must have been the big girl panties I put on).

I have nearly 20 match emails waiting for me to respond and I am not sure I want to pay to do it :(
Click to expand...

I have a friend in the same spot as you, but she is a little bit older, but still what most men consider "hot". She signed up for the "introductory/free" match.com. She sent me some of her "matches" profile pictures/bio.

saggyballer1
IlikeWoodwork
Live2xcess
etc....

WTF is wrong with these guys?

The ones with hair look like Ted Kaczynsik, or a LSD throwback. The remainder are balding and look like they just came back from Pelican Bay.

I've been married for years, but if I was single, based on the competition that is out there, I could be the next Brad Pitt. Now if I can just convince the wife of this....
Edit: I'd get the HHMan to teach me how to bake a few things then I would be the shit.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top