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Help - How has dating changed in the last 20 years?

///M3lissa said:
After my first 24 hours online I can definitely see spending more time cultivating other avenues to meet people. I am not sure this online thing is going to cut it for me. Thanks for the suggestions :thumbup
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You just need to figure out what sort of guy you want and then figure where a guy like that might hang out. So easy right :p

Don't be in a hurry and it will fall into place.

Btw I hate getting relationship advice :laughing
 
oobus said:
Edit: I'd get the HHMan to teach me how to bake a few things then I would be the shit.
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A smart move. Originally you could only put a few photos on places like OK Cupid, but once they allowed albums I just selected my best baked goods and fine looking cooked foods and the emails just roll in. I'm not some sort of suave ladies man in real life that can roll into a bar and attract the women like flies, but in the virtual world where I can control my image I am able to find some success.

I've only had sex on a first date twice in my life, but one of them was because the lady wanted to come over to eat home made bread and butter that I told her I'd make.

Remember boys, you just need "something" beyond "being a nice guy", to give them value.
 
HappyHighwayman said:
A smart move. Originally you could only put a few photos on places like OK Cupid, but once they allowed albums I just selected my best baked goods and fine looking cooked foods and the emails just roll in.
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And out of all those emails you found a keeper? Else all that time in the kitchen still ain't making the cut.
 
Nope but not because there was anything wrong with them. I stopped online dating once I found a g.f. I broke up with her a few months ago and decided to stop dating until I decided what I want.

It's important to know what you want and I realize I did not.
 
corndog67 said:
I understand your point and my reading comprehension is fine. And the 18 year old Virgin wasn't referring to your wants, my 54 year old buddy seems to feel that he (in your words) deserves an 18 year old Virgin.

Low educationers. I've known a few, actually more than a few, both men and women, without much formal education, that were extremely smart. Just didn't have the access, or some other circumstances that didn't equate to going to school. I've also known a few college educated people that were functionally illiterate.

Being divorced/single/a single parent, along with money management issues, bad credit, just might coincide with leaving someone that was abusing them (I've met quite a few of those), and being broke and ruining their credit was better than getting beat on or possibly killed.

Anyway, good luck with all that. I see you've already decided that everybody in your area is a drug using, drop out, welfare mother with a bunch of kids. I always kept an open mind, and it worked out real well.

I will also make the assumption that an immigrant is out of the question. Would that be correct?
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Perhaps a better label would be anti-intellectual rather than low educationer. I am not interested in someone who isn't interested in things/issues/history/art/.....

As to the Third paragraph, I'm not interested in taking that on at this stage in my life.

I live in a small community. I am not currently in a metro area, the population is tiny.

You immigrant question is odd. Are you talking about an immigrant in the US or maybe implying a mail order bride? Someone being an immigrant wouldn't itself be a factor, but cultural values could be. I am not interested in an arranged marriage/mail order bride.


Back on topic for Melissa, the men you meet may be:

Older - as you are 20 years older

Less hair, look old, less fit

poorer as you are dating in Austin vs the Bay Area and the Market Value of high earning men is higher making them less common.

jaded/burned from prior relationships

Have children/don't want children

Have some defect that has hindered them from sustaining a LTR in the past


I recently discussed something similar with a family member. Their take is "almost all the good ones are taken by 30", "All the good one who made a bad choice or mistake are back in the pool at 35ish due to divorce". "Find one of those"

If you want fun, find a young guy that is pretty and wants a fling with an older gal. if you want a companion you may have to settle for something outside your norm (bald old guy:p) I believe there is a bit of truth to the advantage moving to men as we age, that is tough for some women to accept.
 
Meter Man said:
On a serious note - as i date older women, I've learned that most of the ones I choose are quite wacky.

I tend to believe now (myself included) that the persons best suited to marriage are already married and aren't getting divorced.

My dating pool is extremely small currently, so dates are few and far between. Likewise I'm not interested in raising someone else's children or taking care of someone who made bad choices for 15-25 years.
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This.

Became single suddenly at age 40, eleven years ago. It's not been a good run.
 
I think technology (i.e. the internet, 500 cable TV channels etc.) has given us false expectations about physical appearance and what kind of mates we can pull.

Shit, even just living here in the BA gives you false impressions. Whenever I go back to the Midwest I notice that fewer people there have indulged in cosmetic surgery, transplants, fillers, etc.
 
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Reli said:
I think technology (i.e. the internet, 500 cable TV channels etc.) has given us false expectations about physical appearance and what kind of mates we can pull.

Shit, even just living here in the BA gives you false impressions. Whenever I go back to the Midwest I notice that fewer people there have indulged in cosmetic surgery, transplants, fillers, etc.
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I agree.

ive mentioned before, but one of the factors encountered by Melissa is the perception that these men are poor. I've encountered this a few times, all after age 30. I drive an old car, wear hiking/Carhart style clothes, own a modest home. I've had women remark to me and more frequently to mutual
Friends that I was too poor or didn't earn very much. I make significantly more the median household income in this community and more than any of these women. These guys may be "peacock" challenged.

Melissa (or others in her situation) have to decide if all the time is worth it. I liked the idea of engaging in a social activity with a significant barrier to entry.

I know it's been mentioned before, but I'd accept a lot more negatives for a woman who liked to ride. I've found motorcycling is a good ice breaker, but most aren't interested in it long term.
 
///M3lissa said:
Not quite the South.. the best city in Texas.. Austin. I don't think it's slim pickin's here but I'll be finding out :)
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Austin is a great place to be single. But I found that I couldn't party all night with the 6th St's young crowd.
 
MM - I've had the same comment too (that I'm not 'successful' enough) - from women without a home of their own, savings, or a retirement plan funded - but driving a shiny (leased) car - and I just have to wonder about their credit balance.

They are not impressed with a 10-year old Jetta, several motorcycles and a couple sailboats - that are all paid-for. Some are not even impressed with a Living Room Ducati. Imagine that.

Oh well, good filter as any I suppose.

That's the problem with being single, all I get to do is whatever the hell I want...
 
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*looks in mirror, realizes there's a middle aged balding fella looking back.

:nchantr
 
Hawaiirider said:
MM - I've had the same comment too (that I'm not 'successful' enough) - from women without a home of their own, savings, or a retirement plan funded - but driving a shiny (leased) car - and I just have to wonder about their credit balance.
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LMAO.....so true

And what makes it ironic is that women love to say "I'm independent, I'm my own woman", etc.............Yet they seek men who are capable of, in effect, creating their identity for them.
 
Reli said:
LMAO.....so true

And what makes it ironic is that women love to say "I'm independent, I'm my own woman", etc.............Yet they seek men who are capable of, in effect, creating their identity for them.
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Some are like that. Plenty of women who aren't and would be a good choice.
 
You're right - sorry, just a bit chapped - last two 'dates' were with basic gold-diggers who had covered their tracks pretty well on the lead-up to a night out. One a broke-ass "financial planner" (38 year old starting to sell insurance) and a 45 year old 'student'.

Seriously.

I'd just like someone normal, around my own age.
 
Hawaiirider said:
You're right - sorry, just a bit chapped - last two 'dates' were with basic gold-diggers who had covered their tracks pretty well on the lead-up to a night out. One a broke-ass "financial planner" (38 year old starting to sell insurance) and a 45 year old 'student'.

Seriously.

I'd just like someone normal, around my own age.
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You could date an 18 year old Hostess. Done that, she looked like Ava Sambora, I look like a dump truck:laughing She hated her dad.

It is tough to justify dating someone who was born when you were Sophomore in high school.
 
Important rules:

1. Be attractive

2. Don't be unattractive.
 
Hawaiirider said:
MM - I've had the same comment too (that I'm not 'successful' enough) - from women without a home of their own, savings, or a retirement plan funded - but driving a shiny (leased) car - and I just have to wonder about their credit balance.

They are not impressed with a 10-year old Jetta, several motorcycles and a couple sailboats - that are all paid-for. Some are not even impressed with a Living Room Ducati. Imagine that.

Oh well, good filter as any I suppose.

That's the problem with being single, all I get to do is whatever the hell I want...
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Eddie, I want half!
 
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