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Do You Poo @ Work?

JackTheTripper said:
I hate when that happens. :mad Good thin my PPC has a bright screen. :laughing
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he he, i do the same thing.
 
Man, nothing puts a damper on the morning poo worse than going in with high hopes and a good book, and finding the spacious handicap stall plugged & overrunning.

Can't relax in the tiny stall with that kind of stuff going on next door, so I have to go downstairs :cry
 
zefflyn said:
No, a trouble ticket. He called the help desk and asked them to fix the sensor so it would pick up his flailing on the can in the handicap stall, so he could sit there with the lights on for as long as he wanted.
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"let me transfer this to Facilities... "


"but, but, but... it's a SENSOR!!! It's computers! you guys fix the compyers, right???"


"Sir, the company hasn't computerized the bathroom yet. Good thing too, otherwise you'd get your pay docked automatically for every minute you spend in that stall."
 
VTRweasel said:
I will only use in case of emergency. I would rather drive home during lunch then go at work

I hate my office bathroom, it's fuckin nasty and it takes 2 flushes to get anything down,

my fucking co-workers are too lazy to flush 2 times so there's always shit in the bowl :mad

It's seriously one of the reasons I'm quiting my job Monday
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Ahhhhh, new job new clean bathroom :banana (grabs newspaper)
 
:thumbup congrats!

That's one of the questions to ask at the end of the job interview:

HR: Well, it's been great talking to you. Do you have any questions for us?

VTR: Yes, is the squatter clean enough that I can comfortably sit bareback, or do I have to drive home every day?
 
Does anyone tuck their work badges in their pockets first? Otherwise, when sitting down if someone squats in the stall next to you they can see your badge!
 
Luckily, our work badges dont have our names and pictures on them. But I do work for a fairly small company now and I have to say I can pretty much recognize shoes and pants when I'm in the bathroom. This one lady is a crazy. She mumbles to herself everytime she squeezes a log out.
 
Is she coaching herself through delivery?

Or merely bidding farwell to her produce?
 
Ya, and she's giving herself the pep talk.

Either that, or she's playing games on her PSP and can't cut the playful banter.
 
JadedOne said:
Luckily, our work badges dont have our names and pictures on them. But I do work for a fairly small company now and I have to say I can pretty much recognize shoes and pants when I'm in the bathroom. This one lady is a crazy. She mumbles to herself everytime she squeezes a log out.
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Speaking of recognizing shoes....I had a boss at one of my previous jobs and he was the owner of the company. The company shared a bathroom with other tenants on the floor. If he's squeezing a few logs and sees your shoes, then sometimes he'll call you and then open the door for a quick meeting!!!
 
zeff - Knowing you, you'd probably hold onto the PSP even tighter.. it'd be straight naked ass wrestling. In which case would be a really messy visual since you know we'd both be in mid poo

psyko - I'd easily just turn around and shoot. :p
 
Arg, someone broke the door off the spacious corner stall, and now only the tiny stall in the center has a door :cry
Now I have to go all the way downstairs if I want to have a peaceful squat & read.
 
JackTheTripper said:
could be worse
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And that frozen poo never melts.

What sucks worse than that, is when you're doing a multi-day ascent of a rock face, and the climbers above you keep crapping down on you.
 
Special---K said:
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, Sometimes the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for
taking a Poop Dump at the office.




CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not
stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
make sure the smell has left your pants.



FLY BY:The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into
the bathroom.


ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter
in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
occurred.



COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the
WALK OF SHAME.


WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. This can be minimized with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.



OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn
proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look
around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
bathroom.



SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper
entering your bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way
you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.



CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
with an ASTAIRE.



ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.


WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.



HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.


UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on
the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
Click to expand...

Best post of all time.
 
I got hit by a turd burgular just a few minutes ago. Made it difficult to enjoy the article I was reading.
 
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